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Hah-

[Exasperated and unamused. You keep your criticisms to yourself, sir.

It takes him a few moments and he has to close his eyes so he can focus on what he's doing over what he's seeing. It, honestly, helps a lot. Once he's gone through it decently on his own he adjusts his position, offers Constantin a weak smile.]

Okay, okay let's try this one more time and then... I guess we start the next section?

[Oh but doing this without needing to focus as hard on his feet means there's an awful lot of just barely brushing against the other man and very intense eye contact. He hadn't even really noticed at first with how much he was concentrating on his feet.]

[Take him how he is, Lorenz, this is the Constantin package deal. He nods, shifting back to the proper starting position.]

I am ready and willing to try as long as you are, my friend.

[Credit where credit is due: this time, it's better, although how much of that is the technical skill and how much of it is the way their eyes meet every other step is anyone's guess. Both? Probably both. This is hardly a dance to try without looking, lest they smack into each other, and so intense eye contact it is.

And then, just towards the end of this first section, Constantin turns one of those almost-brushes into an outright touch, reaching to catch Lorenz's hand and bring it to his lips this time, a quick kiss to the backs of his fingers before he lets go again.

...Tada!!]

[It's be...tter?

No, actually it isn't exactly because every time they rush back into the center he seems to forget himself for a moment, utterly captivated by honeyed eyes and pinked lips and Goddess help him Constantin really is beautiful isn't he? It's distracting and makes him fumble his steps a few times but never enough to actually call it quits.

Then the blonde goes and steals his hand and even when he releases it Lorenz doesn't take it back, instead he turns his hand to cradle Constantin's cheek, thumb brushing gently over one high cheekbone, absolutely fascinated by him all over again.]

I'm... not very good at this...

[Well, this is nice, so Constantin is calling this dance a success. He tilts his head into Lorenz's touch just so; a moment ago it was tempting to lean into his supposedly boundless energy and go right into the next section of steps, but now, well... Now there's a different energy between them, softer but no less charged.

It's warm, comfortable— hmm!]

At learning a new dance?

[Hah... because he's not doing half bad at showing affection right this second, all things considered. Constantin takes a half-step towards him, covering Lorenz's hand with his own and threading their fingers together. A very large part of him wants to lean in and kiss him again, and who could blame him!— but the line is delicate between this moment and spoiling it entirely, it feels.]

From where I'm standing, you're doing quite well.

[Yes at learning new dances, at dancing in general, at all of this close contact, everything about this afternoon. But Constantin is still so softly encouraging, even with all his fumbling. Holding his hand so gently that it makes Lorenz' heart race.

Slowly he shakes his head, a quiet denial of something in his mind.]

Oh... If we were in Fodlan... I would run from you.

[A fragile little laugh, barely more than a breath. It's not the first time someone has affected him so strongly but there was no room in Fodlan for the Prime Minister of the Alliance to take a man as a partner, not when the demand for heirs and crests was so great.]

Or be petty... cruel, even. [As he'd been, still was in some ways, to the one person he hadn't been able to flee from. Another shake of his head. He doesn't want to do that, here. Doesn't want to be that person anymore. Hasn't for a long time but when had there ever been time... space...

Violet eyes flicker down to his lips briefly, tilting ever so slightly closer to the other man.]

Constantin...?

[A breathless request, hope that the other man might cross that line for him. He'd been caught up in it all earlier. This? This is a decision, a concession, one he's not sure he's brave enough to make on his own just yet, no matter how much he wants to. ]

[Oh, running away is very seductive, indeed. Or: Constantin raises an eyebrow at him, more than a little skeptical, but not interrupting. This is going somewhere, he supposes, or at least the implication left to dangle at the end of it is meant to do the work without being said—

He has to stop himself from jokingly thanking him again, for not being cruel or what have you; Lorenz is so, hm, delicate? Uncertain, when it comes to this? He is so very something compared to the other people Constantin has met and connected with here, but Constantin has more patience for one man fumbling through propriety than he does for propriety itself. So. He will not quip about this, at least not right now.

So that leaves them with the simple facts of the present, notably that they are very much both thinking about the same thing, that is well and truly obvious, and it is up to him to give the go ahead. That's fine; that is a dynamic he's rather familiar with.

He reaches up, free hand coming to rest at the back of Lorenz's neck again, like before, this time to pull him down closer— gently, but still—]

It's alright, I know.

[And he leans the rest of the way in to kiss him slowly.]

[If he couldn't avoid him, or this feeling, then his only defense against someone as charming as Constantin was to be mean. Constantly criticizing and biting out sarcasm and never allowing anything remotely close to these close, quiet moments to happen.

He's been doing it with Claude for years.

For a long moment he wonders if he, perhaps, wasn't as obvious as he thought. Constantin hesitates and fear starts to creep into him, coiling tight in his shoulders and- the warm press of fingers against his neck, dipping under the ends of his hair makes him shudder, melts that growing tension out of him.

Constantin urges him closer and Lorenz doesn't resist in the slightest. That soft assurance earns a tiny nod, grateful acknowledgement for a fleeting moment before Constantin kisses him again and Lorenz absolutely melts against him. A small sigh of pleasure muffled against the other man's lips, the hand on his cheek sliding back into his hair a little. Lorenz' other hand drops down to Constantin's side though, drawing him closer, facing him properly.]

[With a low hum Constantin closes that last bit of distance to fit himself up against Lorenz, winding his other arm around his shoulders as well. For someone so fussy he's surprisingly easy to actually kiss; the earnest relief and that soft sigh do wonders for Constantin, all things considered. To be wanted in some way is such a simple pleasure, and so now - indulging.

It's a good kiss again, some few degrees more comfortable and warm than the one before, and Constantin is far from shy, eagerly kissing him again after a stop for breath. He takes, slowly, a step back without letting go, to none too subtly get Lorenz to come move with him, towards the wall and more specifically the door to a smaller room he knows has furniture in it, more of a proper lounge unlike this comparatively empty space.

Like, he will accept backing himself up to the wall in a pinch, but-]

Lorenz, [he breathes, without pulling away more than is necessary to get a word out.] Come and sit with me.

[That first careful step back almost breaks the moment, the fingers in his hair tightening, the hand at his side curling into his shirt, trying not to let him go. There's the slightest delay for him to realize Constantin isn't trying to move away but to guide him. That is a little difficult, trusting someone else to move him but also far too anxious to dare open his eyes at all.

It isn't until Constantin speaks against his lips that he really lets himself follow his guidance. A soft hum against his lips, a vague nod, steps awkwardly loud in the emptiness of the room now without their laughter. Kissing is new and uncertain for him, kissing and walking is nearly impossible. It's more of a press of lips, a slight pause to breathe in each other's air while he takes a step, and then another kiss.

Lorenz doesn't dare let himself give them enough space to actually step back or look at Constantin, though, knowing well enough that he'd lose his nerve the moment they stop.]

[Kissing and walking is an important skill just like making up dances and pretending they're legitimate, so: this is educational, surely. Constantin squeezes his arms around him fondly for a brief moment rather than break apart to say anything else, leading them mostly blindly toward that other room. It's a slow walk until the last few steps, hastily fumbling for a door handle to open and slip inside, and lo: a room with some lounge furniture.

Decent chance any of the entertainment in here that's currently tucked away is like, super lewd, so don't look around too closely or anything. Simply stumble with Constantin to the nearest couch, which he finds by bumping into it backwards and tugs Lorenz down with him as he sits. He makes it that far before he breaks their latest kiss to murmur softly again, only the one word:]

Good?

[Sitting down on a couch is hardly incredibly racy, but Lorenz does seem to appreciate the baby steps, so— just checking.]

[He'd argue that it's not really an important skill but then he's beginning to think he's, perhaps, not learned quite as much of what is important as he'd once thought. He was always still learning things, perhaps he'd never really expected to be doing that learning quite like this but he'd be lying if he said it wasn't nice.

There's a moment, fumbling at the door, where he realizes his jacket is likely in the way. A small, slightly distressed noise in his throat. He should move that, or help? Something. He should do something other than just cling to Constantin. But then he masters the door and Lorenz is quietly grateful not to have to let go of him.

Constantin might think of them as baby steps but to Lorenz it's more like scaling the ramparts of a fortress he'd thought, once, that he might find the key for. That soft question is met with silence, a shaky breath, hesitant and for a moment Lorenz isn't sure he can really breathe properly. Both hands slide up into pale strands and he tilts his head a little, leaning his forehead against Constantin's.

There are so, so many reasons not to do this, not to have even let himself get to this point. This is something he's supposed to hold close to his heart, to keep locked away secret and precious and he's just-

Goddess, he can practically hear his father's disapproval, the biting words he'd said about That Gautier Boy when things like propriety and social status was worth talking about, how much worse it would be for his own son. Things he's told himself for months now that he doesn't care what his father thinks... it's easier somehow, when it's something so big. To defy him and everything he stood for on a principle something he believed in so fully he had vowed to give his life for it.

But something so small, so trivial in the grand scheme of things, and somehow there's more guilt and shame that weighs on him for this. If pressed he could give righteous speeches on why Count Gloucester was wrong for supporting the Empire (had, in fact, in front of the Great Lords). What could he say to justify this? To make it okay that he would simply give away something that was meant to be treasured.

Because it was difficult to keep it here? Because it was inconvenient? Because he was swayed by a pretty face and earnest eyes.]

I'm not... certain.

[Finally an answer for Constantin, his voice weak and shaken, brow furrowed where he presses into the other man's warmth. It was a kiss for Sothis' sake. Nothing more, nothing that held more weight or bearing. Only a kiss. A delightful kiss that left his lips warm and eager for more... and maybe that's what scared him the most about the whole thing.

He wanted more.]

[Alright— well, this is why he stops to check, so that's a good thing? Certainly, that there's a pause here, now, before things get out of hand. If indeed they were going to get out of hand, which was not the plan, but neither was kissing in the first place.

Point being: Ah. Constantin's expression softens as Lorenz leans against him and he feels, for a moment, quite unequipped for this. For the intricacies of Lorenz's persistent inner turmoil, if only because - besides his lacking full context - it's been a very long time since he earnestly worried about... this kind of thing. Any thing someone might turn their nose up at when it comes to him, if he's being honest; his long since trained response to disapproval from his father or otherwise has been spite and not shame, and spite leaves very little room for uncertainty after long enough. Uncertainty lives in a little box and he doesn't have to look at it or open it ever, so—

So, well, he'll try. He can do this much: slipping a hand back from around his shoulders to touch his face, fingertips light against the side of his neck, his jaw, his cheek. Perhaps a comforting touch will confuse more than it helps, but this is the best he's got.]

You don't— [Mm, well, you don't have to be would almost certainly not help, here where uncertainty is the issue du jour. He purses his lips, then, second try:] You've time to think. I told you, I've got a clear schedule.

[A little lighthearted, but the sentiment is there: he's not going anywhere? He knows what it's like to be abruptly left alone with tumultuous thoughts and even for something as ostensibly simple as kissing, he wouldn't consciously do that to someone else.]

[The little touches throw him off at first but he very quickly leans into it, a soft hum of approval. His own hands loosen in Constantin's hair, sliding down to curve around the back of his neck, thumbs stroking along the underside of his jaw. Whatever else he doesn't want to stop touching him. Doesn't want to push him away again, like everyone else. Always so much distance.]

I'm afraid I don't deserve half so much patience as you're offering me.

[It was a necessity here, wasn't it? Being so open with others, so intimate. Yet here he is falling apart over a few kisses. At once buried under the weight of disapproval of people that might never even know of what happens here and also guilt for the undue burden he was placing on others because of that weight.

He draws in a breath, it wavers and he holds it in for a moment before breathing out slowly. Too emotional, just as unbecoming as all this indecency. But he feels like he's drowning, reasons not to and reasons he must conflicting until he is forced to take a few quick, shallow breaths. They don't help, not really, and after a moment he drops his hands from Constantin to sit up a little straighter, reaching behind him to tug sharply at his laces, violet eyes glassy and fingers pulling frantically.

It's too hurried, sloppy, and the tails snag on themselves, tangling in knots too high for him to reach and he's pretty sure if he can't loosen his laces so he can take a Goddess forsaken breath he's going to start crying.]

Const- [His voice breaks and he curses himself again but he manages to turn a little, to make it easier for the other man to reach where he cannot. ] Can you... please?

[Constantin shrugs with a little hum, noncommittal; the nature of this place requires none of this from him, true enough. All the Augur needs is a baser connection, but he doesn't care for the Augur at all, and so what this island may or may not deem necessary is less a concern than the man in front of him. They've circled around different approaches to the same high society problems before, and if nothing else Constantin is empathetic. As he smooths his thumb over Lorenz's cheekbone he doesn't think about how much of that empathy any one person might deserve.

—But then Lorenz is hyperventilating, or something, and the melancholy mood spikes up into something more urgent? He lets go of Lorenz but his hands hover near him, just- just waiting to be told what he should do here. Concerned eyes and a furrowed brow mask well enough how out of his depth he feels, and ah- the laces, alright. That he can do.]

Hm, come here.

[He says this but it's him who shifts closer to Lorenz, leaning to one side to reach around and pluck at the guilty laces. He's never worn a corset but he's unlaced a few in markedly different circumstances, so at least he can make relatively short work of getting these knots undone. A murmured a-ha marks the moment he gets them loose, gaze flicking up to Lorenz's face to see if he's... better. Decent.

'Not about to collapse' will be enough, honestly. He rests a hand on Lorenz's upper arm, just in case he needs to untie something else, who knows.]

[The knots come undone and the laces loosen under his fingers. It's just enough give so that Lorenz can unclasp the front in a few swift tugs. Then he's abruptly free of the constraints, dragging in a couple deep, measured breaths. Once he can breathe again, no longer feels like his heart is in his throat and he might collapse beneath the weight of expectation, one hand comes up to cover Constantin's on his arm.

A weak smile, apologetic and guilty, before he straightens enough to shrug the waistcoat off his shoulders, draping it over the back of the couch. Another shift, this time to curl up onto the couch more, pressing himself against Constantin's side, lacing their fingers together again. ]

How do you simply brush aside what others must think... given... all of this?

[He comes in closer and Constantin welcomes the contact, moving slightly to lean back more comfortably, with more space for Lorenz to settle in at his side. It takes him a moment to settle on an... explanation, then:]

Practice, I suppose.

[Another pause, while he considers how much he ought to talk about, but Lorenz is already on the list of people who know assorted unpleasant facets about his past, so. Alright.]

I'm afraid it's quite the headache and not the inspiring tale of personal strength you might hope it to be. I could never possibly satisfy what was expected of me, quite unfairly so— so I crafted some expectations of my own, in the end.

[A beat. Mm.]

Unfortunately, the callous disapproval does not simply go away. After everything else that's hung over my head, at least being with whoever I want makes me happy.

[So there: if somebody thinks his behavior is inappropriate, it still couldn't top what his parents have done. The big secret is resentment, which he doesn't recommend, necessarily... it isn't always a robust strategy.

He glances sideways at Lorenz, tilting his head to press a kiss to his temple.]

Here, in this place, it's something of a relief to be left to my own devices for once.

[Listening to Constantin makes it clear how very similar their experiences are... but while the blonde rebelled against those expectations Lorenz had spent his youth justifying them, giving them a grander purpose than he knows, now, his father ever meant them to have. That gentle kiss to his temple has Lorenz leaning a little more heavily against the other man, a quiet sigh escaping him.]

That same disapproval is a barrier, though. Without the respect of other lords a man's words hold less weight. A well-respected noble can command favors, sway votes, turn things just so that the people of his territory are well cared for, even in the harshest of times.

A good marriage is just another political alliance, one that is meant to bring wealth and good fortune to the region. Refusing that support for the sake of some... infatuation? Or... even for something as selfish as love. I've never understood how someone could do that if they truly cared for their people.

[Lorenz shifts a little, scoots down so he can rest his head on Constantin's shoulder.]

What right do I have to seek my own happiness when there are those under my care that suffer?

[How can he not drown in guilt and shame for these tiny indulgences when he otherwise holds himself accountable for the happiness of an entire territory.]

[A barrier... well, there is a point there; Constantin knows well enough that he himself is often looked at as young and whimsical and easily fooled, but even so, does the sneer of some ambassador mean anything when he knows full well how to do his actual duty? His real job? He frowns slightly, curling an arm around Lorenz and slouching back some to sink further into the couch. Hmm.

...Hmm.]

You don't think marriage is the only path to prosperity, do you? [Please, say it ain't so--] My parents have never once loved one another, and I'm sure plenty of coin changed hands when they were married. And yet the bodies of our people are still stacked dead in the streets while my esteemed father broods into his silver cups and my beloved mother plots her next assassination in luxury.

[Ahem. He shakes his head; never mind the, ah, the bitterness, but even besides that: his own family is a counterpoint to this thing Lorenz claims about advantageous unions helping the people. If nothing else, Constantin has always viewed his parents as emblematic of how not to rule.

But there are nuances within nuances and complexities unseen and etc, etc.— anyway. He strokes his fingers through Lorenz's hair, idly, watching the strands fall from his hand.]

Well, I simply don't believe the options are unabashed, careless selfishness or austere sacrifice. Surely the people in your care are more hardy than you give them credit for.

[Surely a little lord can occasionally touch another's hand without leaving the region destitute. Surely.]

Certainly not the only... but it is a tool that must be used carefully.

[Lorenz absolutely melts into him when fingers slide through his hair, tilts his head to look up at the other man. That familiar pain of feeling helpless in the face of so much death, war and selfish politics in his case, while the people that could make a change sat back in their mansion to do... absolutely nothing.]

Goddess, that sounds familiar. [A faint shake of his head that almost turns into a nuzzle though he checks the urge before it's more than a brush of his hair against Constantin's neck.] But that's... precisely why I have to do better. They deserve better than what my father's selfish negligence has done.

Which hardly leaves room for... [A vague gesture towards Constantin himself. For flings or romance or feelings or beautiful men that make him choke on his breath.]

What? For men like me?

[He manages a short laugh, despite himself. It isn't really all that amusing, this seemingly endless strain of duty, but they are still... here, in a place without any of that. Perhaps he's had more practice at separating his personal wants and needs from everything else, at least enough for him to quip about it.

And there is still the empathy, which makes him sigh and fall back into a more serious tone.]

Aren't those many, many friends you mentioned right there with you in this? Without my cousin I would be hopeless! I couldn't possibly carry the weight of the world on my own.

For kissing men like you.

[Though he stresses the kissing part it's very clear the ah... men part is very much a concern as well.

Mentioning the others is only more of a headache though. It's all such a confusing mess.]

It isn't the weight of the world, there's... so much beyond Fodlan that we've never let ourselves know. But we have people here from three countries that, last I knew, were going to be re-established as a single United kingdom... lead primarily by the Professor and Claude... It's highly likely I would end up with a great deal more than just Gloucester territory to be concerned with and the war has left so much destruction to repair...

You say many but... it's really only two. I know of many of the others but I have also crossed blades with many of them, seen their armies cut down in this war. I sometimes think it might be better to know no one, like you. Than to have to look at people I thought were friends, who raised armies against us, fell and now...

[He just shakes his head again. He can't think about Ferdinand now or he really will start crying.]

There's just so much conflicting information and the freedom of being left to my own devices is so far out of the realm of possibility here...

[That he's left clinging to a man that is little more than a stranger, gifting away his first real kisses and finally, for the first time in years, beginning to crack under all the pressure.]

[For a long moment he doesn't say anything, simply holding Lorenz and stroking his hair. It is a confusing mess and he isn't even the one involved - confusing in a different way, he supposes, but all the same. This isn't something he can solve by sharing his completely opposite opinions, so they could talk around in circles and solve nothing, or—

Well, or. For lack of anything to say he kisses Lorenz's hair again, the top of his head, humming idly.]

I suppose there's nothing left to do but adjust. You know, to all this.

[He waves his free hand, like, this whole place. The island, everything. It may not be ideal- it certainly is not ideal, even for someone like Constantin who enjoys the freedom and the company, but it is... what it is?

Remember not long ago when they were having fun dancing... whew. That was the best.]

You and I don't know each other very well, all things considered— [Despite the kisses and the somewhat extensive sharing of personal struggles, like right now, still-] But I would help you however I can, if you like. As your refuge, or whatever you'd like to call it.

[He'd made that comment as a joke, but a little more empathetic this time around; he is... an... available shoulder? Perhaps? It's truly as much for his own benefit as it is for Lorenz, because, well. Sometimes it is... nice, almost, to speak to someone who understands the many perils of Noble Parentage (And So On).]

[Adjusting is easier said than done but also... that's part of what this is, isn't it? Actually opening up and acknowledging half of the madness of this place? Something he hasn't really done until now. Well... sort of. Maybe. Once and he'd ended up in a shouting match with one such former friend turned enemy.]

Constantin D'Orsay... are you offering to be my shelter in the storm?

[Is it any wonder he can't help himself kissing this man? So many complexities and instead of unnecessary opinions or advice, things that, while well intentioned, on serve to add to the weight. No Constantin offers him the one thing he does not have. An escape. Support without guidance.

As much as he tries to make that question just a little playful, tries to claw back some of their earlier levity, it is still weighted and they both know it. But he doesn't really give Constantin much of an opportunity to answer because a moment later he's pushing himself up against the back of the couch, twisting a little so he can press his lips against the other man's once more. Reckless and foolish perhaps but... it's rather nice to do that. Just this once.]

Well—

[Well, if he's going to say it like that, all poetry and dramatics straight out of yet another flowery romance novel— then yes, completely, that's exactly what he's getting at. He simply cannot fix these myriad problems no more than Lorenz or anyone else could saunter over to his own home and fix his, and so, is it not better this way? To have at least one anchor, of a kind?

Well, he cannot say, all of that, sure, because Lorenz moves to kiss him again too quickly to get out more than a word. He makes a noise against his mouth, surprised in the most delighted way, curling his fingers into Lorenz's hair and returning the kiss with firm insistence. Yes, this, this is allowed, they can have this.

So... good! Again! To reach out and offer a shoulder is one thing, to trust is another, and if he isn't quite there yet— he could be. Could be, a moderately intimidating prospect, despite himself. But he is, apparently, a sucker for vulnerability and a pretty face.]

Hah— Have I stumbled my way into saying the right thing, at last?

[That line gets another of those shy, uncertain blushes, glancing away for a moment.]

You've been saying the right things.

[If he hadn't they wouldn't be here. It's not his fault Lorenz has so many hang ups and he's done a truly admirable job navigating them. All the more reason to reward his persistence, right? Is it... really a reward? He may talk himself up an awful lot but in this he's hardly confident enough think such things.]

Constantin... [Fingers sliding up into the other man's hair as well, mirroring him.] I feel I owe you another debt of gratitude... I do hope you will allow me to return the favor.

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