takeroot | noctium inbox

Who could this be? 🔍👀

[The photo in question: a close-up of pale thighs, lightly freckled and framed by cut-off jorts. A mystery...]

[So mysterious...]

A highly tasteful portrait! When did you take this?

[Like, obviously during The Night Forgotten, but he's still got about... three of those memories at best.]

According to the time recorded on my phone, 3:27 in the morning.

I have an entire collection of such portraits.

Well, you ought to send me the entire batch at once!

And! I've also uncovered evidence that there is a video of your bold battle with the bottle saber! Meaning, apparently it was my video.

[Hold on, he's gonna attach it... give him a few minutes before this shaky video that's mostly a pair of jeans on the ground comes through. Nikolai does have distinctive hands, however... it could be worse.]

For the sake of your vanity, dear Kostya, I will.

[This will take...a minute. It's quite the collection, including several more thigh-focused shots, as well as several in the style of cryptid enthusiasts, blurred shots of Constantin walking along the dark beach. One last picture: Nikolai grinning stupidly at the camera, the stolen rowboat visible over his shoulder and Constantin posing beside it.

Once those are sent, he watches the video. Hm...it certainly could be worse.]

You've been holding out on me! Well, I'm glad you captured the true star of the show: the sacrificial pants.

Your fascination with my legs is flattering.

[These pics - even the cryptid ones - are particularly leg-heavy, after all? Ah, but-]

I do vividly remember victoriously acquiring our trusty rowboat! I believe I will make that one my "wallpaper."

And I am as shocked as you are! To think, I recalled how to take a video while intoxicated!

Obviously the cut of your trousers was designed to draw attention to your legs. How could I but be fascinated?

A most touching display of our friendship. I may just follow suit.

LOL! Alcohol does on occasion touch us with new and surprising gifts, just as it robs us of skills well-practiced.

I like that you're calling it "designed." That confidence is admirable! I would say they have done their job diligently.

The next time I am too drunk to see straight, I will create such videos the likes of which no one on any world has ever seen. Why not.

[big video idea: film a turtle]

I always have a plan. Even if I've just invented it in my head not ten seconds prior.

Why not indeed! I look forward to being stunned and awed by your upcoming efforts in the medium of intoxicated video.

Were I sitting next to you right now, I would pinch your cheek for that one. Of course you do!

[Nikolai being a precious little dweeb... that's the stuff.]

For my next feature, I will send it to you much sooner! And endeavor to hold the phone more steadily.

Dare I ask which cheek?

I think that the shaking lends a certain dramatic, suspenseful quality to the video. One feels as if he's really there!

The left.

I think my excitement about the camera spoils all of my videos and my pictures, but yours is more flattering.

That is my good side, but the right is my even better side.

Perhaps I should exercise this talent of mine more often. Photos like this are much more entertaining, and much more truthful, than stuffy portraits.

I wonder if we'll be able to take our phones with us when we leave this place.

Don't wheedle for pinching, it's unbecoming.

I doubt we will take anything from here, which is a concern for my lovely bird, but if I never sat for a portrait again it would be too soon! Alas!

Next time you might even take pictures during daylight.

I'm merely stating interesting facts about myself.

Surely our gem allies would not begrudge you a bird, or me a dog. I fully intend to take Ponchik with me. To forbid it would be barbaric!

Now there's an idea! The lighting will undoubtedly be more flattering. The flash feature turns us all into specters.

Do they even know how to let us leave? I have not been clear on that after all this time.

[Hmm... depressing. Also:]

I would like to see pictures of your dog now, thank you.

If they had discovered the means to return us whence we came, I would not be here to have this conversation with you.

[How bittersweet... But turning to a happier subject, here’s another photo: an oversized ball of brown fur stretches out on a sofa, tongue lolling and tail evidently mid wag, judging by the blur of it.]

Or to send you this adorable picture of Ponchik.

Heartbreak in spades, my friend! If I am glad for anything about this place, a handful of you all would make my list.

[Anyway, DOG... look at him! Oh wow!]

He's very [big ball of fur] robust, isn't he? Have you adorned him in bows and little hats yet?

I’ve arrived at the same conclusion, dear Kostya.

And he’s only going to get bigger. Do you think he would look very intimidating in a hat? He’s meant to be a guard dog.

I think he would look very dashing!

[A guard dog... more like a cute baby.]

Perhaps a hat that says 'BEWARE' on it, or some such.

There’s an idea! What about a roguish neckerchief?

With the hat, or without? Your dog will be the most fearsome musketeer the city has ever seen.

With, naturally. The effect will surely be amplified by both accessories.

Something tells me that you have, in fact, festooned your bird with all manner of finery. Do you have any pictures?

Her name is Caligula, and she very much enjoys a little hat.

[And he does have some pictures of his pretty bird in a few little hats, and one where she is mysteriously wearing a worm on a string as a teeny bird scarf. Fashion.]

She is the most charming bird I've ever laid eyes on.

[An important friendship milestone...sharing pictures of their beloved pets...]

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